"My AO3 account is going to be like the Magic School Bus meets Crossover City"
tony takes it upon himself to aggressively set Steve up on dates because he thinks Steve spends way too much time by himself or doodling. Obviously some of Tony’s ideas of a good ‘match’ for Steve are pretty off, but Nat, who has been crashing at Steve’s more and more frequently, is delighted to help Steve by weeding out the awful ones.
These potential “dates,” more than happy to go out with a gorgeous blonde and not seeing him for much more than that, come to Steve’s door to find a snarky, gum-chewing redhead.
All of them tell different stories to their friends afterward:
"his CRAZY lesbian roommate told me ‘i want to have your adopted babies’ and tried to shave my head"
"He has this weird younger sister who i think is part of a cult; she said she only eats 30% post-consumer recycled fiber and was tap dancing to swedish death metal"
"This lady dressed like Jessica Rabbit was sitting on top of his refrigerator talking about how she used to be a police officer in Transylvania, then fell in love with a boy named Jesse and burned down a fish farm?"
"I mean she would’ve been gorgeous but she had about twenty ponytails on her head and wouldn’t let me in while waving a fake lightsaber and making ‘vwoom’ noises"
"She tried to convince me she was Jareth, the Goblin King? she had all this weird makeup on and told me my new name was Sarah."
"I don’t look anything like Vladimir Putin but she just wouldn’t let it go and then stopped speaking in English entirely and switched to Russian or something."
"She threw a dead fish at me"
"She told me that steve isn’t a real person and that he’s actually a man that lives in her finger? and then asked me a lot about pirates?"
"Whenever i tried to talk she would just start laughing really loud."
"I know steve is like, you know gorgeous and tall but honestly reenacting star trek episodes with his weird friend for hours isn’t worth it"
ok yeah but slytherin muggleborns buying a shitload of those really cheap ballpoint pens beore every term and selling them to pureblood/halfblood students for like 10 sickles a pen and all these kids are just mystified by the fact that they dont have to constantly dip quills when they write essays
so in iron man 2
a little boy in an iron man helmet tries to shoot one of the rampaging suits with his lil toy flight stabilizers
in spider-man 2
a little boy puts on his spiderman suit and stands up against the rhino
that’s great for all the little boys in the theater, but you know what I want?
i want a little girl to help the heroes
i want a six-year old redhead to kick nat’s gun to her
i want a twelve-year old with braces and a lisp to shake cap back to consciousness
i want a nine-year old latina girl to take clint by the hand and walk him down unfamiliar streets back to the main fight
i want a sixteen-year old black girl to kick an enemy in the back of the knees to save sam wilson
because girls are sitting in that audience too
and they deserve to see that